somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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