Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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