oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
