So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
