Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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