omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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