I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
