if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
