hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
