And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
