we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize