Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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