She's JV to your varsity
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
