Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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