Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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