The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize