Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
