i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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