i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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