My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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