so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
