what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize