I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
