Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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