fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
