thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
