if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
