I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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