K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
