This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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