just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
