About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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