Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
