Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize