can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
