I skipped work to stalk him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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