Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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