i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
