Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
