I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
