walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
