Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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