I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
