How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
