If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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