Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
