dude i'm inner monologue high
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
