I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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