you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
