hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
