i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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