I wanna bring you to show and tell
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
