i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
