I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
