some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
