well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
