after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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