Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
