woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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