Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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