On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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