She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
