So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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