So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
