i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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